Are you a “Damsel in distress”?

This book was advised to with the argument that the author’s theory about man’s secret obsession’s absolutely right and that I’d learn a lot from it.

The suggestion felt a bit strange but my curiosity and drive to learn are limitless. So I bought “The secret obsession” on the online store of James Bauer, the author, to the tune of 52,99€. It sounded a little bit expensive, but valuable information never comes for free I told myself. And that’s more motivation to read it in detail. It took me two weeks, but I swallowed it all. And I’m going through it for you again to share the content.

The theory is that the tips and tricks in the book create a bridge between his desires and the woman’s desires. Promising a satisfying and exhilarating romance while still be authentic, with no manipulation nor fake stuff. What better than a man’s advice? We are going to learn to “tug his instincts”. So I was really excited to find out what are those instincts he’s talking about.

The Hero instincts in a nutshell. Men need:

  • Meaningful achievement
  • To be a provider
  • To earn respect

That sounds pretty fair. We all want that do we? Men an women. All along the book I read keeping in mind the author’s claimed motivation to help women reaching a mutual understanding with their partner. Until I reached the module 17: “The Damsel in Distress Signal“. As the author elegantly writes:

It’s not the most active way of asserting girl power, but you have to admit it works. And some intelligent women incorporate that bit of knowledge into their interactions with the more mature version of those same guys even to this day.

I must say that I agree 100% with him on this one, it’s definitely not girl power. And as the chapter goes on, the author explains how men need to be someone’s hero. And guess who that someone is? You! So If you ever dreamed of becoming a superwoman of any kind, you better review your ambitions. From the example of Superman falling for Lois Lane constantly getting herself into trouble to Popeye coming into the rescue of Olive, Rapunzel in her tower, Snow White and even the now famously recognized as unconsented sexual behavior victim Sleeping Beauty, fictional novels example are used here to support the hypothesis that men have a natural drive for adventure with the target of rescuing the “Damsel in distress“. “Entertainment follows human interest, not the other way around”. Whose interest do we trigger here? Let’s take sleeping beauty as an example as the story can be traced back to its origins. The tale was first published by Giambattista Basile in his collection of tales titled The Pentamerone (published posthumously in 1634).[2] Basile’s version was later adapted and published by Charles Perrault in Histoires ou contes du temps passé in 1697. In Basile’s version tale called Sun, Moon, and Talia by Giambattista Basile, based on folk legends dating from the 14th century. In these early versions, the sleeping princess is raped and impregnated by a passing king – but it all ends well because after she wakes and recovers from the initial shock of finding she has twins, he returns and marries her. This constitutes a happy ending.

The thesis leans on the theory that numerous sociology and psychology studies (there is no bibliography in the book unfortunately) prove that boys show a preference for tools while girls are driven more towards connection. Girls share while boys compete. Earlier in the book, it even says the hero instinct is burried deep inside a man’s DNA.

So here is how to become the highly desirable damsel in distress: You should adapt your vocabulary when you express thankfulness: “I like the way you use my name when we talk. And I appreciate that you remembered it after just one meeting.” or “Thanks for letting me hide behind your strength while that deal went through.”

Am I the only one feeling perplex? Are you girls ready to become the damsel in distress to make your relationship work? Do you think this is making a happier relationship?

This book seemed to me like a list of suggestions to carefully manage a women’s personality in order to produce a happy relationship. Encouraging women apparent subordination in the wake. Teaching how to “fake it” for the sake of having a relationship. You might as well buy the famous “Mars and Venus” good old bestseller.

Jane Wards provides an amazing list of examples with smart insights of this type of suggestions in her book “The Tragedy of Heterosexuality”. If you are to spend money on a book, I beg you to invest on this one, a bargain compared to the 52,99€ I spent. Hopefully I helped you saving money.


Sleeping beauty:

“His Secret Obsession” James Bauer,

“The tragedy of Heterosexuality” Jane Ward

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