Asking men’s feedbacks about why things did not work in our relationships, one recurring thing I heard was “early relationships should be easy, things should come naturally and no hiccups should occur”.
Originally, It seemed to make sense to me. So I asked them why they lost faith early in relationships and their answers were eyes opening. One did not appreciate that me explaining to him I was not the one supposed to make coffee and breakfast each and every morning to avoid him being late at the sport course we were going to together, the other because I refused him making a planning decision for me without asking my opinion. And the cherry on the cake: I refused to take an antidepressant drug with pretty nasty secondary effects he advised on various occasions because he found I was too anxious. The guy had no connection with the healthcare industry whatsoever.
In a nutshell, they fell out of love because of my refusal of accepting domestic duties or because of my need for consensus in the relationship. Early stages of relationships should be easy, but who should they be easy for eventually?
If you get dumped because he thinks the early stages of your relationship were already too complicated, this could actually be a sign that you are on your way to quit dating the wrong guys.
Logan Ury, on her instagram account distinguishes the “Soulmate mindset” versus the “Work-it-out” mindset. In a world where male privileges are the norm, patriarchy the foundation of our culture, a feminist will encounter hurdles in the very early stages of most relationships. Especially if this is the first time a man dates a woman willing to be treated as an equal.
The soulmate mindset, which is a typical cause of early stages breakups show a lack of willingness to evolve from your partner. They postulate that if you were their soulmate it would be effortless. And it does sometimes happen that a man finds his Soulmate. But the reality is : she just deals with his toxic masculinity without complaining. Of course, you cannot expect people to change who they are, but expecting people to change their views is a different matter and often a prerequisite to a healthy and fair relationship. That is what working things out means.
A lot of men out there are looking for “superwoman” profiles, women with career, character, presence, viral energy, talent and intelligence and expect a rather submissive behavior on the other hand. This is pretty hard to detect early during an encounter as they often express feminist views, show respect and pride for your achievements. But those who gradually become tired of finding compromises, complain about having to communicate to find mutually satisfactory agreements, ask for “no drama” or tell you that their previous relationship had been tiring are not ready to compromise on their male privileges. If they leave you before you do, they just saved your precious time. There is not a perfect partner, but the willingness to see you happy is not optional when choosing a partner. Your ability to walk away quickly and peacefully from those who do not care about your happiness is the road to your happiness.